Worry in advance

I guess that worrying is just part of human nature, although some people do it much more than others. And it can be beneficial....worrying about things can lead you to do a better job and offset any potential issues in any given situation. But it can also be paralyzing and stop you from going after what you want. Particularly when it's "worrying in advance".


I heard that particular phrase about two years ago when I signed up for a teleseminar on the subject. And it's something that I used to excel at. Here's an example of worrying in advance as it would apply to job hunting.


Let's say I see a position listed that I think is perfect for me and my qualifications and background are a match. If it's in my current geographical area, I answer it and wait for a response. If it's in another state (one where I wouldn't mind relocating)...before I answer the ad (if I even do), a whole series of worries run through my head: "Would they pay me for come in and interview?", "Are they close to a major airport and can I get a direct flight?", "My house would need to be sold. What would I need to do first?', "How much are houses in that location? Should I rent or buy?". The next thing you know I am online looking at real estate in said location. All before I even answered the ad, much less interviewed and was offered a position.


I told this story example during the teleseminar as it was a very real scenario for me and it definitely got a few laughs. Why? Because it IS funny. And that's when I realized how many opportunities I was passing up because I was so worried about things that might never happen. Worrying in advance is a great excuse for not going after what you want.


So now if I see a job that I would like, I answer the ad and then wait for the next step to happen before worrying in advance about the outcome.


There's enough to worry about in the present....

...Not go for the brass ring

From the time I was only a few months old up until I entered high school, my family's vacations were always spent in the same place: Ocean City, NJ. My parents owned a succession of small vacation homes and although the houses were rented out for a lot of the summer season, we usually spent a few weeks there at least.


At that time, Ocean City had two amusement piers on the boardwalk....I remember a lot of the rides...from the bumper cars and tea cups to the tram that ran along a rail at the top of one. I remember this ride vividly because it got stuck one time when I was riding it at a kid and along with some other terrified children, I had to climb down on a ladder of sorts til I reached the ground. I think that was probably the start of my fear of heights. (This was way before the era of lawsuits so I believe that all my poor frightened parents got out of this ordeal was a book of tickets.)


But the ride that I remember most is also the most ubiquitous --- the merry-go-round. Chances are I gravitated towards this ride because if the ride stopped...I didn't have far to go to get off of it.  Of course a big part of riding a merry-go-round is the chance to grab the brass ring and get a free ride. Watching other kids going for it and missing lead me to believe that I probably would fail if I tried for it as well. Even at a young age, I think I was more worried about failing to get it than actually trying to do it. But really...if I tried and failed to get it, what harm would it really do?  I honestly don't recall what prompted me one day to try for that brass ring. Chances are my parents were out of tickets and I wanted a free ride to stay a little longer on the boardwalk. First pass around, I grabbed for the brass ring and missed. It took a few more turns before I tried again...and got it!  Free ride! Every time after that that we went to the boardwalk and I rode the merry-go-round, I went for the brass ring. I'm sure I missed it more than I got it. But that wasn't the point.  At least I tried. 


As adults, I think that we conditioned sometimes to not always take chances --- to go "for the brass ring." Fear of failure is a strong deterrent for a lot of us. But the older I get, the more I try to look at what is the worse thing that will happen if I don't try for something.  And I usually discover that it's not nearly as motivating as what would happen if I did try. So the next time someone offers you a brass ring, remember that life is too short to not go for it.

...Wear Ugly Shoes

I was laid off from my job a few weeks ago and one of the things I've been doing at home, besides looking for a new job, is trying to clean and organize things. I admit it...I am a shoe whore and while I'm no Imelda Marcos, I do have quite a large selection. (My DSW frequent shopper card is pretty well worn.) In the process of putting them back where they belong, I noticed something that astounded me...I had several pairs of ugly shoes.


Thinking back to when I bought these shoes, I realized they were purchased over the course of a few years primarily to wear to trade shows where my former employer exhibited. Standing on one's feet and/or walking a trade show floor for hours necessitates comfortable shoes. But comfort doesn't have to mean ugly. And looking at those ugly shoes was just a reminder of a situation that I would really rather forget. So they were bundled up and deposited in the nearest charity clothing bin.


Purging those shoes was a reminder that I don't need to keep things in my life that I don't cherish or that don't cherish me. Whether it's ugly shoes, a friendship that has run its course or an emotionally toxic environment....life is too short to keep things that you don't consider beautiful in some way.